Care to be my financial advisor?

So I got my Blingo prize the othe day, the whopping $25 gift card. Carrie won't let me buy cds or movies with it, so what the fuck should I buy? I'd spend it on drugs, but they don't let you withdraw cash from it.

Seriously, I'm open to suggestion (and you fucks don't comment enough anyway).



(apparently, I'm the biggest winner in my area :D )

Fuck the Police, and Tickles said it with Authority

So I seem to be on a roll. First, I'm walking down the street getting high, when I look up and notice that I'm standing in front of the police station. Luckily, none of them happened to be looking up at the same time. Later that night, I hear breaking glass followed by 3 kids walking up the street at like 4 am. I call the cops, and they tell me that they're going to want to talk to me. I'm not sure how interested they'd be in my marijuana decoration ablilites, so I had to make a mad fucking dash to make sure all the pipes, bongs, papers, etc were stashed in the closet. It turns out that the stupid kids didn't do anything to begin with, and the cops never came inside. I suppose I shouldn't bitch too much.

Intoxication has become much more difficult as of late. I've been trying to come up with ways to snort weed, but none have worked so far. When I had my tooth pulled, I smoked weed thru my nose. Although it sounds fun, I don't suggest it. All I got was a sinus headache, and didn't get too stoned. I really need some chronic juice, but that prescription ran out. I'm not a drinker, but shit, sobriety is a bitch. Thank goodness for PBR. In a can.

On a lighter note, since my sexuality comes into question rather often, I've decided I'm going to lay it all out on the table for my fans. I'm going to post some pics from my personal collection. Mostly, the ones where I'm sodomizing Jeff, the co-owner of blogexpulsion. The pics aren't that great. His face looks blurry from all the crying he did. I don't see what the big deal is, cause he barely bled. Conversely, he can deepthroat like no other. I thought he was going to end up swallowing my leg too! I've never seen someone so eager to take a load on their face. So yeah, I'm as gay as it gets. How brilliant of you guys to see thru my ruse!!! Sorry Carrie, I couldn't lie to the Internet anymore; my real friends.

Oh yeah, fuck yo momma or something.

Best. Link. Ever.

For the hottest, sickest child porn you could ever see, check out www.molestationnursery.com!!!

"That's my mother you're pissing on..."

I was thinking today about the time buttrock Britt started puking all over himself, which caused another guy to start puking all over the place. That shit was hilarious. And Britt is a fucking douchebag.

Taking the bus anywhere sucks ass. Unless you're drunk. Fuck this environment shit, everyone needs a car. But before that happens, they need to make driving concentration camps. This will be required of any seeking the chance to control a motor vehicle. Applicants shall be shackled to driving simulators for no less than 16 hours a day, and shall have needles inserted underneath fingernails when the rules of the road are broken. Micronuclear explosive devices shall be implanted in the base of the skull, and shall detonate when exposed to a cellphone signal moving over 2mph. Changing lanes without signaling will be punishable by death. I see nothing wrong with a shitty driver holocaust.

I've got a whole case of PBR ahead of me, so it might be a rough weekend. or maybe just a rough night, depending on how badass I feel like getting. If I have to push the fucking shopping cart home again, I'm gonna need to be shitfaced. Fuck.

Happy Birthday Carrie!!! I love you!!!

It's Carrie's birthday today!!! Go and wish her a Happy Birthday!

Horse rides Man (Updated)

Ok, this is probably the worst thing I've ever read. Seriously.

Horse rides Man

Have a bucket ready.

The worst thing. In this (my) state, no laws were broken.

I really hope that this is just some well-fabricated story.

UPDATE!!!

so the internet gossip is that the deceased went by the name of [censored]. there is a video (not THE video, of him dying) floating around of some guy getting doodled in the pooper by a horse. i didnt view the film in it's entirety, just long enough to realize theres 2 people and a horse. i guess theres no way to tell if [censored] is really the enumclaw guy, but i'm willing to guess theres not too many guys out there filming themselves in the company of horses either.

I can't link to the news reports directly anymore, so I had to copy and paste this...

written Oct. 19
Videotapes show bestiality, Enumclaw police say

By Jennifer Sullivan



ENUMCLAW — Authorities are reviewing hundreds of hours of videotapes seized from a rural Enumclaw-area farm that police say is frequented by men who engage in sex acts with animals.

The videotapes police have viewed thus far depict men having sex with horses, including one that shows a Seattle man shortly before he died July 2, said Enumclaw police Cmdr. Eric Sortland. Police are reviewing the tapes to make sure no laws have been broken.

"Activities like these are often collateral sexual crimes beyond the animal aspect," said Sortland, adding that investigators want to make sure crimes such as child abuse or forcible rape were not occurring on the property.

Washington is one of 17 states that does not outlaw bestiality. Police are also investigating the farm and the two men who live on the property to determine whether animal cruelty — which is a crime — was committed by forcing sex on smaller, weaker animals. Investigators said that in addition to horses, they have found chickens, goats and sheep on the 40-acre property northwest of Enumclaw.

Officers talked with the two men, but neither has been arrested. Neither man could be reached yesterday for comment.

According to King County sheriff's spokesman John Urquhart, the farm is known in Internet chat rooms as a destination for people who want to have sex with livestock.

However, authorities didn't learn about the farm until a man drove up to Enumclaw Community Hospital on July 2 seeking medical assistance for a companion. Medics wheeled the man into an examination room before realizing he was dead. When hospital workers looked for the driver, he was gone.

Using the dead man's driver's license to track down relatives and acquaintances, authorities were led to the Enumclaw farm. Some earlier reports had said hospital-surveillance cameras were used to track down the driver.

The dead man was identified as a 45-year-old Seattle resident. According to the King County Medical Examiner's Office, he died of acute peritonitis due to perforation of the colon. The man's death is not being investigated because it did not result from a crime, Urquhart said.

The Seattle man's relatives said yesterday they never suspected he was involved in bestiality. They said they were surprised when they learned he had purchased a Thoroughbred stallion earlier this year. The man told his relatives he boarded the animal with some friends in Enumclaw.

While the man's relatives were unsure how many horses he had boarded at the property, one Enumclaw neighbor said the Seattle man was keeping two stallions there.

Police and neighbors said the people renting the property have also had dogs and bull calves on the farm. Yesterday there were several horses and ponies grazing near a barn.

Two neighbors, a married couple who declined to allow use of their names, said yesterday they had no idea what had been going on at the farm. They said they've known one of the men who live on the farm for years.

On Thursday, police showed the couple videotape seized from the farm showing men having sex with horses. The couple identified one of the horses as belonging to them, Sortland said. The couple also said it appeared at least part of the tape was filmed in their barn, which left them shocked and angry.

"We couldn't believe what we were seeing," said Sortland. "In the rare, rare case this happens, it's the person doing the animal. I think that has led to the astonishment of all of the entities involved."

Thursday night, in reaction to the man's death, Susan Michaels, co-founder of Pasado's Safe Haven, posted a letter on the local animal-rights organization's Web site calling for people to e-mail legislators in an attempt to change state laws.

"This [the death] gives us credence of getting a bestiality law passed," said Michaels. "It's not natural for animals to do this."

State Sen. Pam Roach, R-Auburn, said she plans to draft legislation as early as next week making bestiality illegal in Washington.

"This is just disgusting," Roach said yesterday. "It's against the law to harm children; it should be against the law to violate an animal."

So yeah, all you sick fucks that have arrived here via search engine looking for the video, I know where it is, nyah nyah nyah. I'm still down to make my own video. my ass has been hurting lately anyway. and i need money for christmas presents, turduckens, and that rent thing. and weed. and beer. and xbox 360s.

Better hurry. They could have that law drafted any day now.